It is amazing to see mankind stand up like this in the face of some terrifying giants.
When I was in Guatemala, God really spoke to me. I came to a point there, where I broke under the weight of everything. I tried not to show it, being a leader and all, and I think for the most part I was quite successful, but I came to a moment, where I couldn't contain it anymore. I called my mom, and cried to her for a while, and begged her to get me a plane ticket home early. I cried to my friend for an hour or so. I was truly tired of life. I was tired of people. I had so much in my head and on my shoulders, that I don't think I wanted to help anyone anymore, but wanted help instead. I remember looking out to the tops of houses, while standing on the hotel balcony, staring at a palm tree nearby, the flowers planted neatly in a row in the nearby porch, and the misty moon shining away, with a few clouds passing hear and there, and I remember thinking how much I wanted to jump off that balcony and pray for God could give me wings so that I could fly. I wanted out. I wanted to be free. I had failed so much at life so far, and I wanted some success. I doubted every calling that I had, every gift, even that God even cared. Why was I even there? I felt like a beautiful woman, trapped in a body that I hated, an intelligent lady trapped by her own malfunctioning mind, and an unique individual trapped in this world that was trying its hardest to push her into a hole and bury her for good.
And then came in this kid that came with us on the trip. He came to check on us, to make sure that everyone was in alright, and we ended up talking for a while. We all just dove deeper with him, as he told us his story, his nightmares, and his pain; How he had been forced to grow up way to fast, and the fear that his future held just pain, and little hope, and for the first time, I was taken out of the picture, and was able just to cry with him, to pray for him, to love him, and it was not until after he left, that I felt my purpose in life, in a way that I never knew before. God was doing something that night, and I knew that, but little did I know just how much.
My heart ached for his broken heart, and the next day, God told me how His (God's) heart ached for mine as well as his (the kid's).
On the way back to the town where we were staying, the car over-heated, leaving us all to sit on the side of the road until it was safe to drive again. So I sat on the side, and the kid came to sit right next to me, and he put one half of the headset he was listening to in my ear, and sat down, just staring into the mud. The song he put in my ear was "The Voice of Truth" by Casting Crowns. I will put it up in a sec. I don't think he understood the words, but the wierdest thing was that I think that his heart and spirit understood, as I have never seen him so serious and quite at anytime during the whole trip, except when we were all talking on the balcony. So I sat there with him and listened:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand
But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
Chorus:
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
That was amazing. Amazing. Since then, God has been doing a work here, helping me to further find my roots in Him, so that the time comes I too can stand against the giants of this world. Helping my heart to heal, so that I can help others in return, and to take a new perspective on life. To stop worrying about what I will get from this, but instead, how I can stand with my fellow human being. That boy has not left my mind since, and I pray that he find his strength in the Lord as well. Amen
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
Psalm 34:18 NLT
