To the men reading this… I do not intend this to be a rant and/or a tearing down of your own masculinity, and I most certainly do not hate or have no faith in the male population. This is just me expressing my general frustrations with the subject.

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I am so frustrated with the lack of male involvement within the Social Systems, and social justice arena. Where are the men and where is their heart for mankind? Working with sexual assault victims, more and more men are coming out with their pain and stories of abuse, molestation, etc., and they come looking for help and light and love. So they come to places like the YWCA, and end up crying in and entrusting their fears and pains, essentially in the arms of the strong and brave women there, trained to handle such dealing. And after facing the pain, and bandaging up the wounds they came in with, counselors are then left with the dilemma, of what now? Where do we refer these young men to, to continue to grow as men? Who is out there that can come alongside them to truly and honestly help them to continue to grow as men…? Because when push comes to shove, we must face the reality that men are better equipped to help other men recover and grow, though they are by no means the only ones with the ability to help mend these broken hearts. But still, out of a class of 20 training to become sexual assault crisis counselors, or at the least more proficient and knowledgeable in such a field, only one was a man. ONE, and he came as a counselor that works daily with perpetrators, who wanted to getting training from the other side. I also recall, very distinctly, one other man coming in to interview with me to qualify for the training, once figuring out that this was training to working with sexual assault victims, standing up and simply bolted out the door, and never turned back. Similarly, even of the hundreds + sites and social service referrals that deal with issues of victimization and abuse, only a handful are equipped to handle men.

There are so little men working as probation officers, as counselors, as social workers, etc., although when it comes to more administrative positions, or even pastoral positions in the social and ministerial fields, men by far outnumber women. Men are the ones that mostly fill our bible programs with such high dreams and aspirations of one day leading and building churches everywhere in the world…. But what their efforts will most likely produce just another worthless system and/or building bent on filling nothing but fulfilling their own personal agendas to save the world. And every time, I can’t help but truly wonder, how the hell are you expecting to lead a congregation/group/system, to its full and needed potential, when you have never even truly faced, or listened to, for that matter, the daily pains, questions, and anger that so many you will expect to follow you in admiration and obedience face. So when some suggest that I refer them to local pastors or church elders, my hearts cringes at the thought… they are usually the ones that end up inflicting the most damage on these already broken men, and mostly out of their general ignorance and lack of training in the field. Even if they have their own personal stories and experiences of pain to parallel the stories of those they are intending to counsel.

Then, to top it off, when we, as women, ask for a man’s help to better understand what is going through the heart of these hurting men, men are often are quick to simply point out that we are females and therefore cannot help these men, and then just refuse to go any farther. Leaving us simply dumbfounded, simply wondering, “no crap we are women, why do you think we would try to ask you for help? Because still, the men here are obviously not finding any help or refuge in you.”

On the flip side, there are many God-fearing men who have dedicated their lives to this work, and have such a big impact on the lives of both men and women, young and old. They are so appreciated, and do so much for this field, and their pure and humble hearts, though by no means perfect (as the rest of us ), are so inspiring, and just bring so much hope. I know for me at least, that even that one man in the group of 20 counselors in training, stepping out in courage and with compassion, really kept my mind from wandering into the realm of hopelessness of not only being a woman facing the reality of victimization, mostly at the hands of men, but also for the men out there lost in such a dark wilderness. There is hope and there are those who are willing to step up, but where is their help?

Personally, this has really hurt me, and just really breaks my heart, as more and more men come to me, and come out to the crisis center, and there are very few places or people that I/we can refer them to… And ultimately, I am just tired and hurt for these men who are reaching out for help, and are having such a rough time finding it. But at the same time, I am so thankful for the men that have stepped out, and stepped up to help these men find healing. Even for those that have listened and prayed with me, and supported counselors working hands on in this field… for me, they have been a true and valid model of what an honorable man is meant to be like, even if they themselves are broken.

I don’t even know where this rant will lead, if writing it helped me get anywhere, but I am just going to continue to pray on this subject, and hope that thibs will change.

* Most recently an assault crisis center led me to two awesome websites that are specifically targeted at issues of Sexual abuse/Abuse and men:
- www.mystrength.org
- www.mencanstoprape.com

If you get a chance, you should check it out.